just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
