doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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