Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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