My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
