Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
