Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
