Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
