woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
