Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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