our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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