Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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