He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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