is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
