I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
