I wish i was in the wii world.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
