there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
