The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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