No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
