I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
