Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
