apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
