I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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