pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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