I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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