What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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