Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
