Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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