Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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