In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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