I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
