Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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