I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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