The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
