I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My liver just had a heart attack.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
