those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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