The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
