i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
