i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
