Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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