I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
