i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
