dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
