This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
