I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
