I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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