My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
