Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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