My balls are so social today.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
