Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
