I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
