i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
