So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
