That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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