If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
